I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
