Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Randomize
