shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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