And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize