absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
