i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My legs feel like baby dolphins
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
