My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
