stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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