guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
