Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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