Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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