When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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