Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
