im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
