Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
