Jerry, you need to find god
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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