your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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