did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
