Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
