There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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