I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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