the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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