1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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