Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
