Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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