so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
