i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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