I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
