thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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