FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
