Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
