Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
