Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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