You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
