Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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