Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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