Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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