Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
