I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
