I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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