WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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