You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you win again, gameday.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
