Me too!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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