I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
