Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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