I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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