So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
