How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We need to get me chipped asap
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
