So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
