I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
