well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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