sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
