I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
