i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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