I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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