A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
