It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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