My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
