Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
