Already got asked if we're dating
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
zippers are such a cool invention
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize