I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just google imaged poop.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
