Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My penis needs a shock collar
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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