Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize