it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
