also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
