I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love you.
Bad choice
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