one might say we're banned from that church
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
