Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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