Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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