The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
